Releasing control can feel like stepping into the unknown, yet it is often in surrendering that we find our true strength. Holding on tightly to outcomes, expectations, and fixed arrangements can be exhausting. They leave  us in a constant state of tension, frustration and anxiety. But when we let go, we create space for growth, resilience, and unexpected opportunities.
Surrendering does not mean giving up, saying screw routines, or letting debts pile up and remaining in unhealthy environments. Surrendering is the beautiful act of releasing attachment to outcome, letting go of control and accepting things as they are. Explore with me the beauty in surrendering to the present moment, trusting in the flow of life, especially in challenging situations. 

Understanding the Need for Control

At its core, the need for control is deeply tied to our desire for safety, predictability, and sureness. From a psychological perspective, we are wired to seek control because it helps us feel secure in a world that can often feel chaotic and unpredictable. Oftentimes we feel we can manage the stress and protect ourselves from harm. This is to the core of us trying to manage the unknown which can leave us feeling overwhelmed and filled with anxiety. 

Most people socialize control with success, productivity and power. Society encourages us that taking control of every aspect of life leads to a more fulfilling and happy future. This couldn’t be more wrong. Instead this creates burnouts and insecurities. 
I know for me I often compare myself to others who “appear” to have it under more control. I shame myself for not being at their “level” as if they are of more value or I should be that way. I have fought so hard to have relationships that were to be in my ooeyes perfect, stress free and happy which in the end made it the exact opposite. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of unkind people I’ve been around. But I fought so hard to make those people love me in the ways I felt I needed. I wanted control over how dismissive they all seemed to be. I was never going to get that so why cause the extra stress for something I can not force out of someone? Hence the power of letting that go. 

Embracing Trust and Enjoying The Freedom

Embracing trust is a intense act filled with courage, a decision to surrender the mirage of control and step into the unknown with an open heart, an open mind. It is in this surrender, this letting go, that we find true freedom. Trusting allows us to release fear, and the intense want and necessity to micromanage our every part of existence. In a space of freedom, we open up our world to much greater things. We give ourselves the opportunity to discover a deeper connection to ourselves and others because trust allows us to nurture relationships. Enabling us to experience life with less pressure and anxieties. This is about letting life unfold naturally, to let perfection be in the past. Letting ourselves remember we are supported even when we can’t see the light. 

Practices For The Art Of Surrendering 

Unconditional Acceptance 

• Allowing yourself to fully accept whatever situation occurred. Don’t get caught up in what you wish it could be or what you want to change. Accept that it is an experience and offer yourself no judgement. 

Practice Not Reacting

• Take a moment to reflect on what happened before you start reacting without thinking. I have a little girl and ahh this is so hard. If she falls I’m so quick to gasp and go to comfort her. I’m slowly getting better, but man is it hard. Me doing this gives her time to think before she reacts based on me. 

• Do not suppress emotions, offer compassion and openness to whatever is emotionally going on or felt. Be kind to yourself. 
Our Mistakes Are Our Best Teachers
• Don’t criticize yourself for a mistake. Allow yourself to see this as a learning opportunity. Some of the best lessons come from the bumps in the road. 

Letting Go Of Fixing Eachother In Relationships

• Allow each of you to lead. Trusting that each partner offers distinct values to the table. 

• Offer support without having the mindset you need to fix them or the situations. 

• Allowing moments to naturally unfold and happen without expectations. 

Opening Up Emotionally• Share your fears! Open up and be vulnerable. 

• Stop censoring how you share your emotions. Allow yourself to let go and expose how you genuinely feel. 

Embracing Physical Intimacy

• Fully surrender and trust your partner. Let them guide you and let the experience unfold without expectations. 

• Practice being fully present in intimate moments. Rather it’s holding hands or kissing, don’t control the moment. 

Journaling and Meditation

• Journal with brutal honesty. Don’t focus on how it should sound, let yourself write with your subconscious. 

• Embrace the silence. Rather that’s with your partner or by yourself. Embrace the conversations without any noise. 

• Write letters to people you’ll never send. When I was out of my birth parents’ care, I wrote to them everyday and put them all in a binder. I wrote to my uncle who abused me and I burned the letters. Allowing the energy to be. 

BreathWork

• Studies show deep belly breathing regulates stress hormones. 

• Can help you shift your focus to become more aware. The way it feels, the rhythm, warmth, allows you to become more mindful. 

• Research shows when doing breathwork, the parasympathetic nervous system can be activated which is ultimately responsible for   fight or flight response. Breath work allows you to relax and let go of the sense of control. 

• This allows your nervous system to regulate leading to the feeling of safety. Making it easier to let go. 

Time To Unlearn Control

 While the concept of control can give us a sense of power it is at a hefty cost, leaving us vulnerable to anxiety, emotional exhaustion, lack of flexibility and resilience. You deserve to feel the power embracing the flow of life. Embracing the beauty in letting go. Welcoming Mistakes to be our new teachers and accepting the situations for what they came to be. Breathe in. Breathe out. Challenge yourself today and pick one practice to do daily. Explore the new possibilities from the art of surrendering. This is an ongoing Journey, allow yourself to indulge in daily practices with intention. Letting go of the pressure to maintain control.